#had failed Bethany in the end and damnit. he wasn't going to do that with anyone else least of all merrill but it just
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#saw someone saying they get a little annoyed when someone calls merrill something like 'little sister' and while#i do know they were mostly joking I'm now going a little insane over how that's the way my main hawke viewed her and that's#exactly why things always kind of sucked between them. like. he liked her. he wanted her to be happy and safe. he wanted to help#her be happy and safe and make sure she fit in at her new home but he was also barely a year past#watching Bethany spend her last moments going against an ogre and. yeah it was dysfunctional but he kind of#saw Merrill through the lens of that grief. through feeling like he'd never been good enough to anyone in his family and then#had failed Bethany in the end and damnit. he wasn't going to do that with anyone else least of all merrill but it just#made him a stifling force in her life and in the end she could barely stand him (not that he could tell) and her keeper still died and just#like. even by the time he realized how stupid he'd been the damage was done.#connor hawke you stupid ball of self loathing and savior complexes i will always#love you and want to kick you off a rooftop.#sorry I'm just rambling and being stupid#original posts
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